“Dear Dr. Lovett”: God, Family, and Breasts

“Dear Dr. Lovett” is a weekly advice column dealing with love, relationships, and sex. Need words of wisdom? Tell us all about it at emailasv@yahoo.com.

DEAR DR. LOVETT-VON STRAUSS: I’m a 13-year-old girl, and my grandpa is 72. I love him very much, but whenever we’re out in public, I’ve noticed that he ogles other women’s chests like some kind of dirty, old geezer. It’s very embarrassing, both for me and him. I think grandpa is a pervert, and I don’t know what to do! –EMBARRASSED

Dear Embarrassed,

Admiring the breasts of a woman is no evil action. In fact, nearly an entire book of the Bible is devoted to the act: the Song of Solomon. Back in my younger days at Blessed John XXIII National Seminary, some of us less devoted to the Calling would study this Book. One particular verse was my favorite.

“Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I said I will climb the palm tree. I will grab ahold of its fruit stalks. Oh, may your breasts be like the clusters of the vine, and the fragrance of your breath be like apples.” – Song of Solomon 7:7-8

In retrospect, maybe it was pretty obvious, even back then, that the seminary was not for me.

Now, King Solomon was a pretty wise man so he knows what he is talking about when he talks about the breasts. As I said earlier, do not worry about your grandfather’s attraction to the mammaries; he is merely following God’s call to admire them.

Regarding the embarrassment you feel, God’s word is not always popular. Just look at Jesus for example. He was the proto-hippie, and while he was never “stoned,” he was unpopular for his talk of love and peace. Your grandfather is just following his faith, and unfortunately, there are just some who don’t care for that behavior in our society today.

Please remember though that your relationship with your grandfather is yours. You know what is best for your life, and you should always strive to do just that.

God Bless,
Dr. Lovett-Von Strauss

Henry Iago Lovett-Von Strauss is a doctor of love, and love doesn’t need a degree. He lives happily with his family in Cape Cod, MA, where life is perfect.

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