Yes, after a long hiatus, I return to you with a Sandwich Review of the Nintendo’s Super Metroid! This was the first time I had ever played this game and only the second Metroid game I’d ever played (Metroid Prime being the first, which I never got around to finishing). With Super Metroid’s legendary fame, I expected it to be great, and I was not disappointed! But like all sandwiches, it isn’t perfect for every palate.
Tag Archives: Review
One of the Best Reviews of Ocarina of Time
. . . that I’ve ever heard.
“Blinded by nostalgia” indeed.
Final Fantasy XV Demo: The Sandwich Review
Prime your toasters, ‘cuz it’s time for another ASV Sandwich Review! Your Sandwich Artist today, however, will not be the indefatigable Brian Pham, but rather his younger brother of lesser power (<9000). Today’s menu features the long-awaited demo for the long-awaited FIFTEENTH installment of Final Fantasy. That’s right: developer Square Enix has, over nearly 28 years, made 15 main Final Fantasy titles–only ONE of which can be considered a stinking pile of moogle crap. (Of course, I won’t say which, at the risk of angering fans of the game in question. Let’s just say the number is more than 12 but less than 14.) Now, to the sandwich!
Alphabet Cinema: “H” is for “Hereafter”
Did you ever buy a really cheap rental copy of a movie from a dying Blockbuster before one of its branches went caput? Yep, I did that quite a lot; it was oddly satisfying. Problem is, I haven’t finished watching them all yet . . . so let’s begin with:
Hereafter (2010). From the DVD cover, looks like a paranormal action tale with Matt Damon. Uh, nope. Remove one of those adjectives. Despite Damon’s face, Hereafter boasts very little running and jumping (after the first twenty minutes or so). In fact, it isn’t all about Damon’s character either, even though his paranormal ability does play as a fulcrum to the plot. The story is split into three sections of a braid. Continue reading Alphabet Cinema: “H” is for “Hereafter”
Alphabet Cinema: “G” is for “Gone Girl” and “Grey’s Anatomy”
My brother wanted me to review Gone Girl (2014) for “G” but it hadn’t been on my Alphabet Cinema list when I first made it. (I’m still surprised he didn’t write a review first.) I’d had this film on my Redbox watch list though, and wanted to watch Oscar-nominated Rosamund Pike (Pride and Prejudice, Jack Reacher) in action.
So, because of her stellar skill and the movie’s success in general, I’m adding this blurp about Gone Girl, based on the novel by Gillian Flynn of the same title.
Watch it. (Maybe not with your significant other, if you’re having tiffs.)
It is a brutal analysis on marriage and the two partners involved therein. The critique is wrapped inside a media smorgasbord topped with suspected murder, one terrifyingly cunning wife, and the chance to strip all pretenses of marital bliss. It’s the type of shitstorm that either makes you, or breaks you. Continue reading Alphabet Cinema: “G” is for “Gone Girl” and “Grey’s Anatomy”
Kingdom Hearts 2: The Sandwich Review
After the release of Kingdom Hearts 1.5 HD Remix, I knew its sequel was due for a like treatment, and on December 2 (for North America), Square Enix did just that. I loaded up the game with eager anticipation, but was this old sandwich still a classic or had it expired?
“Danger 5” Review: Hitler Must Die!
Danger 5 is fucking great. It’s on Netflix. You should watch it. Have no expectations.
Rating: A-
ASV Villainy Rating: WF for We’re Fucked
Alphabet Cinema: “D” is for “Don Jon”
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a man of many talents, and he demonstrated them exceedingly well in Don Jon (2013) as director, writer, and actor. It’s a hat trick I was initially wary of regardless of my admiration for his work in both 50/50 (2011) and Inception (2010)–not from any doubts in what the man can do, but from this movie’s subject matter.
Don Jon is a 90-minute film that definitely earns its R rating from the get-go. Lots of cussing, lots of pornography. No, not X-rated, people, (whoa there slow down) but the viewer cannot doubt what’s going on if they’ve eyes and ears. The story focuses on a young man named Jon, who’s famed among his friends as “the Don,” for his ability to seduce the sexiest girls every night. And yet his activities cannot touch the feelings he receives from porn.
Well, enter Barbara (Scarlett Johansson), a voluptuous New Jersey vixen (and damn, hearing that accent from both actors was so odd), who snares Jon’s senses and demands that he gives up his internet fixations. See? On the surface, the movie sounds none too special, and prone to cliches. Fortunately, Gordon-Levitt excels at pulling you in with witty charm, snap-fast story-telling, and genuine emotion. He explores addiction and that pesky human tendency to deny its existence to our own detriment.
Don’t worry, though. All this sounds like a basis for heavy drama, but Don Jon is told with so many quick cuts and satirical musical stereotypes that you can’t help but be entertained.
“Fortitude” Review: Twin Peaks Meets Fargo Meets The Killing
This is a review of episodes 1 and 2. Warning: Minor spoilers follow.
FORTITUDE
Genre: Psychological Thriller, Murder/Mystery
Creators: Simon Donald
Stars: Richard Dormer, Sofie Gråbøl, Stanley Tucci, Michael Gambon, Christopher Eccleston, Luke Treadaway, Sienna Guillory
Composer: Ben Frost
Production: Tiger Aspect Productions, Sky Atlantic
Snow! Death! Polar bears! Murder! Swooshing noises! What even am I talking about!? Trailer!
Continue reading “Fortitude” Review: Twin Peaks Meets Fargo Meets The Killing
“Interstellar” Joint Review: A Conversation
I’ve none of Philip’s prowess with interviewing. Journalism was never my thang unfortunately, so if the following review deviates too much from my regular formatting, I apologize. This review for Interstellar (2014) is ridiculously late anyways, so I figure something more . . . unstructured may be interesting.
Jeremiah, my fellow ASV Staff Writer (and winner of ASV’s Worst Grammatical Writer for 2014) and I got together emailed each other our thoughts on this galactic journey for the survival of humanity. In the end, I was glad to share this post with him. As I might have mentioned last year, watching Interstellar became a very personal experience for me, and I didn’t know if I truly wanted to bare that part of my beliefs to the tremulous ether of internet-blogging.
Talking to Jeremiah focused my thoughts and helped me consider a different point of view. I thank you for the contribution, my practically-a-third-brother.
Warning: Spoilers ahead.
Director: Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight, Inception)
Writers: Jonathan Nolan, Christopher Nolan
Cast: Matthew McConaughey (Mud, The Wolf on Wall Street, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days), Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married, Les Miserables, The Devil Wears Prada), Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty, The Help), Wes Bentley (The Hunger Games, American Beauty), Michael Caine, Mackenzie Foy (The Conjuring, Breaking Dawn)
Music: Hans Zimmer (Nearly every past soundtrack you’ve ever loved)
Christine: Let us begin. Continue reading “Interstellar” Joint Review: A Conversation
Always Sometimes Villains 
